2013 was truly a year that heralded some major changes in me. Some that I consciously made happen and most that just happened. The underlying factor, I think, was a realization that half my life was done, having celebrated my big 40th birthday during that period. I don't mean it in a sombre, depressing sort of way, but almost in a constructive, retrospective vein. I can't recall feeling any different on that day itself but the realization was gradual, and very strong. I started to reflect on the life that I had lived so far...and how I wanted to lead the rest of it.
I think there were two factors that precipitated this thought process. One was the passing of my mother and the other was a really tough project assignment at work. I was caught in-between the deep agony of the personal loss and the professional challenge that didn't seem to improve no matter what I did. Inherently I have an analytical bent of mind I am told...and I think it was that trait that forced me into introspection. And reflecting on what my priorities really were in my life.
The biggest change I believe, has been in my general outlook on things. Having led a very risk-averse, conservative life, I realized it was time to make some deep changes. As part of my attempt to decode some of the challenges in my professional life, I took a class at work called "Focus on Influence". At the end of it, I realized that it was OK to not always be in control of everything, since that only leads to undue stress and unwanted inhibitions. Essentially, learn to let go. More on that in another post.
One side-effect of this "what the heck" attitude shift was that there were many firsts all through last year. It started with my first concert singing Carnatic vocal in front of a big audience. Never thought I had it in me, but the feedback was surprisingly encouraging. My mom would have been most proud and would have said - "Told you so!" Then my first ever dance performance in front of a 200-strong audience. Now that was something I had never attempted in my life...but again - letting go of inhibitions and moving way out of my comfort zone. This was followed by more concerts and another dance performance, this time in front of an even bigger audience. I am realizing now that while I consciously sought out opportunities to challenge myself and my inhibitions, it wasn't change just for the sake of change. It was an attempt to "walk the talk" and see how far I could push myself.
I hope that this is the beginning of something good. Something lasting, that I can be proud of for years to come. Realizing one's potential cannot be a bad thing, right? Better late than never.
Onward and upward!
I think there were two factors that precipitated this thought process. One was the passing of my mother and the other was a really tough project assignment at work. I was caught in-between the deep agony of the personal loss and the professional challenge that didn't seem to improve no matter what I did. Inherently I have an analytical bent of mind I am told...and I think it was that trait that forced me into introspection. And reflecting on what my priorities really were in my life.
The biggest change I believe, has been in my general outlook on things. Having led a very risk-averse, conservative life, I realized it was time to make some deep changes. As part of my attempt to decode some of the challenges in my professional life, I took a class at work called "Focus on Influence". At the end of it, I realized that it was OK to not always be in control of everything, since that only leads to undue stress and unwanted inhibitions. Essentially, learn to let go. More on that in another post.
One side-effect of this "what the heck" attitude shift was that there were many firsts all through last year. It started with my first concert singing Carnatic vocal in front of a big audience. Never thought I had it in me, but the feedback was surprisingly encouraging. My mom would have been most proud and would have said - "Told you so!" Then my first ever dance performance in front of a 200-strong audience. Now that was something I had never attempted in my life...but again - letting go of inhibitions and moving way out of my comfort zone. This was followed by more concerts and another dance performance, this time in front of an even bigger audience. I am realizing now that while I consciously sought out opportunities to challenge myself and my inhibitions, it wasn't change just for the sake of change. It was an attempt to "walk the talk" and see how far I could push myself.
I hope that this is the beginning of something good. Something lasting, that I can be proud of for years to come. Realizing one's potential cannot be a bad thing, right? Better late than never.
Onward and upward!
